Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
