Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
