When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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