If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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