So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
