If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Are we still banned from the library?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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