thus making me awesome and them whores
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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