I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
