Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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