I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
