Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
