Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
