i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
