You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
