Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
