Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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