I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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