eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
