I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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