Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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