You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
