Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
operation harelip BJ is a go
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
