she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
