kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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