Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
