i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
