Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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