Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
