ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
