U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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