I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
