You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
