Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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