my vag is so smooth its legendary
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
