I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't deserve a penis
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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