Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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