If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
