Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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