Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
