She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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