God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
