i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
