I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
