I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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