It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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