So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
