he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
