Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
