Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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