my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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