I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
